What To Do When You Feel Overwhelmed and Everything Feels Like Too Much
Most adults trying to exist in modern society (and sadly, many kids too) are all too familiar with what it feels like to be overwhelmed when everything feels like too much.
We live in a society of stress, where our collective dysfunction has somehow been “normalized,” even if it still feels intolerable most days.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines overwhelmed as “having too much to manage, feeling a sudden strong emotion, or being completely defeated by a superior force.”
For many of us, what actually feels true is that all of these experiences of being overwhelmed are compounded, and we somehow fit every definition all at once - a form of mega-overwhelmed that often leads to our nervous systems collapsing.
The Added Impact of Neurodivergence
If you’re also neurodivergent, especially autistic, an ADHDer, or AuDHDer, the intensity of overwhelm can feel even greater.
For the autistic brain and body, the Intense World Theory explains some of the underlying neurobiological reasons for this.
Basically, hyper-connectivity in the brain can lead to hyper-perception, which means taking in too much sensory and cognitive information at one time leading to (you guessed it), overwhelm.
A similar underlying process of the ADHD neurotype, where challenges to filter sensory input result in a near constant state of distractedness - or swinging way to the other side where it feels near impossible to get our attention because we’re hyper-fixated on the one thing that seems to feel good (or at least not feel so bad!).
“Everything, Everywhere, All At Once” isn’t just an Academy-award winning film; it’s also the perfect description of where our minds tend to be when stuck in these overwhelmed states.
What Overwhelmed Brains and Bodies Really Need
When everything feels like too much, we need space, in both our inner world, and often, in our outer world too.
The reality is that taking space from our external responsibilities is often a privilege many of us don’t have, or at least don’t have immediate access to.
In moments like this, we can turn to where we might have a little more agency, which is our connection with ourselves, whether that’s with our physical states or with our protective and vulnerable parts inside.
This is why I find it so important to integrate an embodied approach to my neurodivergent-affirming approach to IFS Therapy.
Starting with our bodies and becoming more attuned to our nervous system states, we can gently move toward overwhelmed parts, not to collude with their urgent problem-solving, but to offer them the calm presence to build their trust that we can move toward something different.
If you’d like support to slow down and create a bit more space inside for overwhelmed parts, I invite you to follow along with the guided practice I created in the video below (you can also view this in my Video Resource Library along with the full transcript if that is more accessible for you):
Prolonged Overwhelm Leads to Burnout
Overwhelm isn’t just distressing. When left unaddressed, it can become even more harmful as it crosses that elusive threshold into burnout.
Everyone has the potential for experiencing burnout, but neurodivergent brains and bodies are not only more susceptible to the experience of it, but also the consequences of getting stuck in it.
For example, a neurotypical person recovering from burnout might need a week or two off to “reset,” but it’s not uncommon for an autistic adult to take months, if not years, to fully recover.
If you’re sensing your overwhelm is starting to creep into burnout territory, here are some questions that might be helpful to explore to bring yourself back from the edge:
Where can I find further support for interoception challenges so I can better track when I’m at or past the edge of my capacity?
How can I realistically explore all options for increasing external supports and accommodations?
What parts inside of me need support around messages of internalized ableism that add another energetic drain with their criticisms, and how can I get that support to release those beliefs while still navigating the demands of "reality" under late stage capitalism?
How can I find space for letting go of what expectations I might have held and allow for grief, while still making space to explore the potential that some things are "just not possible now" but could be once I recover?
Slowing Down to Move Forward
Navigating overwhelm isn’t an easy process, but it is a necessary one for us to commit to if we are to not only survive life, but potentially find our own way to thrive in it too.
Slowing down might feel counterintuitive when everything inside and outside of us seems to be telling us to move faster, and it takes courage to do things differently.
If nothing else, moments like these where we feel so overwhelmed give us an opportunity to remember that we are not only worth the intentionality to take care of ourselves, but we are also worth being taken care of by our communities.
We can survive this together by offering one another drops of our own courage and capacity, shifting our focus to presence rather than pressure so that we can return to ourselves little by little.
Sabrina Bolin is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of Belong Within Therapy. As a multiracial (Vietnamese White), neurodivergent (AuDHD), queer (pansexual) cisgender woman, she helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent, and other marginalized and misunderstood humans relate to themselves and to the people in their lives with more compassion and greater understanding through a relational and embodied approach to IFS. Reach out today to learn more about how Sabrina can support you.